Letting Inspiration Find You

I’ve been uninspired the past week or so. Unmotivated really. Finding no real meaning or purpose in my writing, just kind of sputtering along.

My work with the company I’ve been contracting for slowed down at the end of the week before last and I hadn’t heard anything back. My work for my travel writing course was completely suffering: no where near my best effort or my most passionate, but I just couldn’t get into it. And the feedback reflected it. And, as you know, I’ve been sucking at keeping up with the blog.

It’s just hard to write when you’re not feeling inspired by anything. What am I supposed to say? “Woke up. Went to the gym. Ate. Watched ‘Sex and the City.’ Job searched.” Because that’s pretty much my days when I don’t have writing assignments.

The only thing I was putting effort into and feeling good about and enjoying was my writing for the Go! Girl Guides. (My second post went up today!) And I am loving the community this website has and the rush I get from working with these girls. If only I could find the passion and energy for everything else that I’m getting from that.

So I decided Tuesday night during my class’s chat session that I was really, really going to put a lot of effort into the next assignment. I started brainstorming on Wednesday. But everything I came up with was lackluster or had already been covered recently or just wouldn’t pan out. I hit a wall again.

My solution to that was to at least be productive in some other way – with a GGG post. I drafted two of those in less than an hour. Can you tell where my motivation really is right now?

Then as I got on Facebook, my news feed was full of people talking about the new jobs they just got. Meanwhile, I have heard nothing about the jobs I’ve applied for. I was sliding…

Then at 4 p.m., I had my weekly chat with my liaison at the company in Arizona. We talked about the work I had completed for them already, and then moved on to what I really wanted: NEW ASSIGNMENTS. And actually, a new client as well. A client that I think I’m really, really going to enjoy working with.

After she told me about it and gave me some background material to read, there it was. BOOM. Inspiration. Finally.

Without giving too much away, one of the people I am going to be interviewing for this new client is wheelchair-bound thanks to a spinal cord injury when she was 16. At the age of 31, she has done so much in her life and overcome every obstacle with such fierce determination. As I read the bio she sent me over and over again, I got goosebumps every time. If she can overcome that and go after her dreams and be ridiculously involved in a million different things, all for the good of others… why can’t I?

I can. And I will. And I’m going to figure it out, eventually. In the meantime, I’m going to keep a little bit of perspective thanks to my newfound friend and try to stay motivated and inspired every day.

Sometimes all we need is a little divine intervention, a little inspiration and a whole lot of perspective. If you go searching for the inspiration, sometimes you can’t find it. But when you really need it, it seems that you just need to let inspiration find you.

And then we realize… We can do whatever we set our minds to. We just need to figure out our ways to do it.

Advertisements

Writer’s Block

I have been suffering from a mad case of writer’s block since Sunday, at least in relation to my blog. I’ve been fine with my freelancing stuff, which is good since that’s where I need to be productive. But I’ve been missing my blog this week.

Creativity

I’ve started writing a post at least three times, but I can’t seem to finish it or even be happy with what I’ve written already.

Part of it may be that my blog was a common topic of conversation this past weekend. My friend Dustin called me on Friday night to confirm the plans for my birthday party on Saturday. After the usual “Hi, how are you, what’s going on?” conversation, he said:

OK, before I say anything else, I just have to tell you…
[insert ominous music in my head]
I’ve been reading your blog.”

At which point, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped. There’s always this weird sense of dread when you find out someone new has been reading your blog. I braced myself for what he would say, not sure what to expect.

“Freaking awesome, Lindsay.”

He went on for another few minutes about how he enjoyed reading so many of my posts, how he had no idea I was a writer, how I was able to take him right back to Australia with my posts about our time there, that I was really talented, etc., etc.

I felt tears fill my eyes as he told me all of this, not really knowing what to say other than a strained “thank you” through the tears and the ridiculous smile that I couldn’t wipe off my face for an hour or more.

While I get comments on here (and on Facebook) from people regularly, it’s always the same people. And I love those comments. I really do. I love reading your insights, taking your thoughts into consideration, getting advice from you.

But knowing that I had a “lurker” out there in the form of a very close friend really meant a lot to me. He’s always been someone whose opinion I’ve trusted and valued in the three years I’ve known him, so to hear him say that made me immensely happy. And especially if you know Dustin, he is the definition of blunt. If he doesn’t like something, you better believe he’ll let you know.

So, Dustin, if you’re reading this one…thank you.
You’ll never truly know what your words meant to me.

If you tell me you love my blog, you get a hug. But I'll still probably call you a "night terror." 🙂

The blog came up a few more times over the weekend…hanging out at my apartment Saturday afternoon, at the bar Saturday night, at breakfast Sunday morning.

And I think that is a big part of why I haven’t been able to write since my post on Saturday morning.

It’s like suddenly I realized…people are reading this thing. I’m feeling the pressure to keep up the quality of the posts. Which should be a good thing. I should be writing high quality stuff if I’m putting it out there for everyone to read. But suddenly…I’m intimidated as hell.

What if they don’t like this post? What if I’m not witty enough? What if I’m not being deep enough in this one? Is someone going to stop reading after they read this?

I’ve always looked for validation from others. And getting it this weekend, from an unexpected source, was amazing. But…where do I go now?

There are a few ideas floating around up there, half a dozen drafts saved, and a whole lot of emotion bursting inside this full heart waiting to get out. It’ll happen. I’ll get there. Just bear with me through the writer’s block and I’ll try not to disappoint.

And hey…thanks for reading. Really.