I have been suffering from a mad case of writer’s block since Sunday, at least in relation to my blog. I’ve been fine with my freelancing stuff, which is good since that’s where I need to be productive. But I’ve been missing my blog this week.
I’ve started writing a post at least three times, but I can’t seem to finish it or even be happy with what I’ve written already.
Part of it may be that my blog was a common topic of conversation this past weekend. My friend Dustin called me on Friday night to confirm the plans for my birthday party on Saturday. After the usual “Hi, how are you, what’s going on?” conversation, he said:
“OK, before I say anything else, I just have to tell you…
[insert ominous music in my head]
I’ve been reading your blog.”
At which point, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped. There’s always this weird sense of dread when you find out someone new has been reading your blog. I braced myself for what he would say, not sure what to expect.
“Freaking awesome, Lindsay.”
He went on for another few minutes about how he enjoyed reading so many of my posts, how he had no idea I was a writer, how I was able to take him right back to Australia with my posts about our time there, that I was really talented, etc., etc.
I felt tears fill my eyes as he told me all of this, not really knowing what to say other than a strained “thank you” through the tears and the ridiculous smile that I couldn’t wipe off my face for an hour or more.
While I get comments on here (and on Facebook) from people regularly, it’s always the same people. And I love those comments. I really do. I love reading your insights, taking your thoughts into consideration, getting advice from you.
But knowing that I had a “lurker” out there in the form of a very close friend really meant a lot to me. He’s always been someone whose opinion I’ve trusted and valued in the three years I’ve known him, so to hear him say that made me immensely happy. And especially if you know Dustin, he is the definition of blunt. If he doesn’t like something, you better believe he’ll let you know.
So, Dustin, if you’re reading this one…thank you.
You’ll never truly know what your words meant to me.
The blog came up a few more times over the weekend…hanging out at my apartment Saturday afternoon, at the bar Saturday night, at breakfast Sunday morning.
And I think that is a big part of why I haven’t been able to write since my post on Saturday morning.
It’s like suddenly I realized…people are reading this thing. I’m feeling the pressure to keep up the quality of the posts. Which should be a good thing. I should be writing high quality stuff if I’m putting it out there for everyone to read. But suddenly…I’m intimidated as hell.
What if they don’t like this post? What if I’m not witty enough? What if I’m not being deep enough in this one? Is someone going to stop reading after they read this?
I’ve always looked for validation from others. And getting it this weekend, from an unexpected source, was amazing. But…where do I go now?
There are a few ideas floating around up there, half a dozen drafts saved, and a whole lot of emotion bursting inside this full heart waiting to get out. It’ll happen. I’ll get there. Just bear with me through the writer’s block and I’ll try not to disappoint.
And hey…thanks for reading. Really.