The struggle between head and heart is never an easy one. We’re each predisposed in a lot of ways to either our thinking impulses or our feeling impulses. We might figure that out through taking a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. If you get a T, you’re a thinker. You follow your head more often. But if you get an F, you’re a feeler. How you feel about something means more.
But it’s not always that clear-cut. I took the Myers-Briggs survey one day when I was bored at work in December. The first time I took it, I got ESTJ. The second, ESFJ. So everything else stayed the same for me, but I was clearly struggling between my head and my heart at that time. It’s something I think I struggle with a lot, and something that I’m just now coming to terms with.
I’ve always been the rational, safe one. I’ve always done what makes logical sense, even if my heart is still screaming something else. I just suppress the feelings and go with what my head is telling me. I’ve had a bad habit of keeping my feelings secret for a lot of my life.
But one day, I realized that I could barely even hear what my heart was saying anymore. My head was telling me so loudly and so obnoxiously what I had to do, that I couldn’t comprehend what I truly wanted, needed and felt was right. That’s when I realized that my heart was so far removed from me, in a metaphysical sense, that I couldn’t really function well anymore.
And then one of my favorite musicians spoke to me, as they so often do. I get some of my best inspiration and advice from music, and this was no exception. Jack Johnson told me:
“You and your heart shouldn’t feel so far apart.”
You’re right, Jack. (We’re on a first-name basis, of course.) They shouldn’t. My heart should be a part of me, not apart from me. I should be listening to it, doing what it tells me is right. Or at least considering what it tells me is right.
So I considered it. And I followed it. And I feel whole again.
I think I’m going to re-take the Myers-Briggs test and see what I get. It could be enlightening now.