Let’s Get Weddy (AKA #TeamBride #060912)

After almost a year of intense anticipation, last month I finally got to stand next to one of my best friends while she married the man of her dreams. And while she is the only person who can really validate whether I have actually accomplished this item on my Single Girl’s Checklist, I think it’s pretty safe to say I (and the other bridesmaids) did:

#41: Be an awesome bridesmaid.

Like I said, Claire is really the only person who can truly say whether I attained the “awesome” status in the weeks leading up to and on her big day. But if the following are included in the criteria, I think #TeamBride #060912 crushed it:

• Checking to be sure the bride’s undergarments did not show through the wedding dress.
• Preventing the bride’s former co-worker from walking in on her naked. Yeah, that would’ve been awkward.
• Crying at the rehearsal. You know, just to be sure I could do it right…
• Bonding with the groom in a hallway at the rehearsal dinner, including finally getting the gossip about how their relationship got started (and then sharing said gossip with the rest of the bridal party).
• Giving an emotional and funny toast at the rehearsal dinner, when no one else was toasting. To a group of virtual strangers.
• Throwing out a That’s What She Said joke with her dad’s cousin at the table. And he was the first one to laugh.
• Practicing slow-dancing with my fellow bridesmaid/bff at the rehearsal dinner.
• Unwrapping hundreds of sparklers for the grand exit on the big day at 11 pm the night before.
• Totally embarrassing myself, a fellow bridesmaid and the bride in front of her parents by showing a slideshow of our lives together over the past six years. The parents were not intended to be present for this.
• Creating a sobworthy slideshow of the bride and groom for the cocktail hour.
• Keeping tabs on the bride’s mom and dad and their emotions throughout the weekend.
• Taking a massive picnic lunch to the hair salon. And tweeting about it. A lot.
• Bonding with the groomsmen in our holding pen before the ceremony about who even knows what.
• Freaking out when the best man almost dropped the rings down a vent – it has to happen at every wedding, right?!
• Sitting on itty bitty pre-school chairs in the church basement.
• NOT tripping while walking down the aisle.
• NOT fainting even with shaking legs throughout the ceremony.
• Sobbing the second you see the bride at the end of the aisle, on her dad’s arm, beginning to sob.
• Making eye contact with the mother of the bride at that moment, making her realize the bride is crying, and prolonging the trickle effect of the tears.
• Quoting Friends in the middle of the ceremony (ahem, Kirsten…)
• Climbing hills at an apple orchard in dresses and heels for amazing photography opportunities.
• Getting the dancing started at the reception.
• Forcing the father of the bride to come dance with all four bridesmaids – a moment he was supposedly mortified by, but could not stop talking about or smiling about.
• Ripping the slit in the back of your dress to a very dangerous level while lunging for the bouquet, because, you know, you’re single with no prospects and clearly ready for that step in life…
• Forgetting to take even one photograph on the wedding day because you are completely absorbed in the love, happiness and joy of the moment and can’t imagine being concerned about documenting it.
• Crying the next morning, when saying goodbye to the bride’s parents, who insist on making you breakfast, force leftover cake and tiramisu on you, and tell you that they love you and consider you to be daughters.
• Being unable to stop smiling for several days afterward because your heart is so full of love still.
• And, of course, there was the shower and bachelorette weekend…but portions of that are never to be spoken of again, like any good bachelorette party 😉

Even thinking about it now, almost a month later, I am still so full of joy for Claire and Kyle, and so honored to have played such an important part in their day. Wedding weekend withdrawal set in less than 6 hours after I got home, and I’m not sure it’s subsided yet.

Bridesmaids and our bride at the bridal luncheon the day before the wedding.

To my fellow bridesmaids – we did it! To my beloved bride – thanks for making me part of your day. Now… who’s next, ladies??

The Coveted Second Date

When I left you in suspense (I’m sure you couldn’t sleep…), I had set up a second date with Bachelor #2 after a promising first date.

Date #2:

Unfortunately, even though I had given him like five days to come up with a date idea, all he could come up with again was “dinner.” And he couldn’t even choose where.

Because it was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, I decided on a place we could sit outside to eat. But I was still disheartened at his lack of creativity in date planning. I didn’t want something magical, but come on, try a little bit, man.

Also unfortunately, date #2 is where this non-love story ends.

I have no idea what happened in the six days between these dates, but apparently his personality got swept out to sea without hope of rescue. (Did I mention he works for the beach patrol? I didn’t, did I? That’s a funnier joke if you know that. Pretend I told you that already.)

When we met up, I had to initiate the awkward “hello” hug. I had to tell the hostess everything. I felt like the man in this situation. Conversation was fragmented at best, and entirely uninteresting. Story after story about beach patrol. I get it, you hang out with The Hoff. (See? That’s funny-ish now.) Moving on.

Once our meals came, conversation stopped entirely. The only thing he said: “How’s your sandwich?” I’m sorry, am I on a date with the waiter?

That coupled with the fact that he is a horribly messy eater and had food all over his face, so I was kind of done about halfway through my [actually pretty good, thanks for asking] sandwich. As I watched him eat, I kept thinking in the back of my mind, “There is no way I ever want to kiss that…”

I think most would agree that’s a pretty telling reaction on a second date.

Then there was this moment… We were finished our meals. The waitress cleared our plates, asked if we wanted dessert, and then brought us the check. Immediately, he picked the check up. I thought this meant he was going to pay for it, which was nice in my opinion. I don’t necessarily expect it — on our first date, I paid for my meal because it was more expensive than his and I thought it was the polite thing to do. But I was secretly happy he had picked up this check to pay. Until…

Him: “So, did you bring any cash?”

Me: *blink. blink.* “Um, yeah, sure.”

I look at the bill, see how much my meal was and give him enough cash to cover my meal and my portion of the tip. It’s fine, no big deal. Until…

He pockets my cash, including the tip money, and pays for both our meals on his credit card.

WHAT?!

To make it worse, he left a really crappy tip. Only 15%. I never tip 15% unless it was horrible service. I had put in 18% for my share of the bill. He essentially just made a profit off our date!

Oh, and what was did this extravagant meal I ordered cost that he couldn’t afford? A whopping $7. SEVEN. DOLLARS.

I later polled several men about this occurrence and got the same reaction every time. They all said there is no way they would ever ask a girl they were on a second date with to pay for her own $7 sandwich, and they would certainly not pocket her money. In fact, they all yelled at me for giving him money on our first date, saying they would have refused to take it. (Why I’m not dating these men, I’m not sure.)

He probably used my money to buy his late-night Taco Bell meal that weekend. Yes, he talked at length about that before dinner too.

Once again, he did not walk me to my car. A guy who went on and on in his profile about chivalry not being dead. I beg to differ, sir.

Bottom line here is that none of these little things alone would have been deal-breakers. But all of it combined with the fact that there was somehow no chemistry on this second date… it wasn’t gonna happen.

I continued to receive texts from him throughout the next week. I was cordial in response to a couple. Finally, after he sent me a text on Cinco de Mayo offering me virtual margaritas (yes, really) that I didn’t respond to, he got the hint. Maybe if he’d virtually offered me my money back, I would have.

After that date, I met my best friend for frozen yogurt and dropped $100 on things I didn’t need at Target. So, you know, what girls do after bad dates.

And got some advice from Kirsten (and Jay-Z): “On to the next one.”

Online Dating Round Two: Bachelor #2

After the brotherly love date, I learned a few lessons.

Lessons learned

I realized I needed to be more discerning with the men I started talking to. Chances are if I wasn’t super attracted to the pictures they chose to represent themselves on a dating website, I wasn’t going to be attracted to them in person. Because, let’s be honest, we all put the best of the best up. That’s not to say there can’t be chemistry there with someone I’m not immediately physically attracted to. But it helps.

So I started getting some guts. I started initiating contact with guys on the site who might be  considered a little “out of my league.” Some replied. Most didn’t. Which is fine. But ya gotta aim high, right?

I had also decided that I needed to meet these men in person sooner rather than later. The longer you talk, the more invested you get and the higher your hopes get. It’s natural. So I vowed that the next time, I would not get too invested.

Anyway, on to Bachelor #2.

This guy showed up as someone who rated me very high, although he didn’t send me a message, so I checked out his profile. All visitors are visible unless you browse anonymously, so he could see that I went to his profile and vice versa. I saw that he looked at my profile again. Still no message. So I bit the bullet and sent him one.

We started talking. We set up a dinner meeting for a Sunday. That morning, it was awfully rainy and not supposed to stop until late at night. The thought of changing out of sweatpants and venturing into the monsoon made me want to cry. I flaked out and canceled on him. Totally That Girl, I know. But that’s my prerogative, right? We rescheduled for that Tuesday.

Date #1:

The day of the date, I wasn’t nervous at all, so that was progress. But I wasn’t excited either. I kept telling friends, “I have no expectations,” and I really didn’t. I was going to meet him and whatever happened, would happen. I hadn’t gotten invested yet. We hadn’t taken the communication offline, so we hadn’t been talking as much, which helped.

We met for dinner and I was pleasantly surprised. He was attractive. Conversation was comfortable. I developed the faintest flutter of a butterfly. By the end of the meal, we had mentioned the possibility of hanging out again several times. He lost a couple points by not walking me to my car even though it was after dark and by just going for a handshake rather than a hug. (I’m a big hugger.) But it had still been a nice time and I was going home happy.

I got home, settled in to watch New Girl and group iMessaged my best friends about the date. (That’s what everyone does, right?) Right as New Girl ended, my phone dinged with a text from him. When I opened it, I didn’t even know what to do. (NO, this isn’t going THERE. Thank goodness.) It said something along the lines of:

“Just got back from a date. I actually think there are some possibilities there, but I’m not getting my hopes up like last time.”

Um. Clearly not meant for me. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what any girl does – text your best friends for advice. I asked three of them what I should do and I had settled on not responding. He would already be embarrassed enough, I didn’t want to make it worse for him. An hour later, I got another text from him:

“Um wow. That was not supposed to go to you. That’s my epic fail of the day. I had a nice time. Good night.”

I found it adorably vulnerable, given that he had told me about his last experience with a girl he was really into who dropped off the face of the earth. I sent him a text reassuring him it was fine, and saying that, yeah, I thought there could be a possibility there as well.

It was brought up by others that this could have been an act, that he sent it “accidentally” but really on purpose. I don’t think that was the case, but if so… well-played, sir.

Long story short, we set up another date within the week…

And yes, I’m going to leave you in suspense there, because this is already over 700 words long…