In one year…

So 2012? Whirlwind already. And it’s only (but at the same time, “already”) February. The end of February. How is this possible?

Three weeks ago, I was on a beach in Jamaica, loving life with my family and my best friend. It seems like an eternity ago. I have so much I want to write about that week. So many things floating in my head and in my paper journal about my time there.

But for right now, I want to talk about time and change.

Specifically, the difference a year makes.

It was a year ago this week that I had my last day at my first real job. A year ago that I decided to quit that job, with no back-up plan. To give up a pretty damn good first-job salary and benefits for…what? I didn’t really know at the time.

All I knew was that I couldn’t stay at that job anymore and still be me. It was quite literally killing me. I had no idea where I’d end up, what I’d do, how I’d survive. But I knew I had to do it. I ended up moving back home. There were days I felt smaller than an ant. There were days I did nothing but cry and feel sorry for myself. There were days where I couldn’t help but think, “What the hell did I do?” over and over again. (Mostly on days that I had to write my ridiculously high health insurance bill on a measly freelancer’s wages.)

But in one year…one year out of the [almost] 25 I’ve been on this earth…I turned it all around. My friend Liana pointed this out to me this weekend. I hadn’t fully realized it until that moment. Seeing the pride in a friend’s eyes as she thought about how far I’ve come. It’s one thing to feel it myself or to see it from my family, but seeing it from a friend – especially one like Liana who I look up to so much – drives it home.

In one year, I managed to:

• get some crazy guts to say, “No. I won’t settle for this. I won’t let this hurt me anymore.”
• realize the importance of a savings account
• practice humility and gratitude
• write about some really cool things through my freelance work
• spend a lot of time caring for myself, wholly, in a way I wasn’t able to do before
• figure out what I really want to do with my life
• apply for a job on a whim, get an interview the next day, and an offer the day after that
• get advanced in that job from a part-time “intern-ish” position to a permanent part-time editorial assistant position, then to full-time salaried editorial assistant, and as of this week (right at the one year mark), full-time salaried editorial assistant with benefits.

In one year. I think back to how I felt this week last year, and while I was so excited and feeling light and free and at peace with my decision, I was absolutely terrified. Understandably so.

This week, I’m happy as can be. I have a handful of deadlines that might cause me to stress this week, but the end results are worth it. I love my job. I love my coworkers. I love using the skills I worked so hard to attain. I love feeling that my dreams in life are really in the process of being actualized.

One year can make such a huge difference. One year made me the Lindsay I wanted to be. And I wouldn’t trade that one year – even the very worst days of it – for anything in the world.

UPDATE: I am an ass who totally forgot that Mary also pointed out this exact thing to me this week. She is my Texan cheerleader and I couldn’t do it without her!

What has been the most formative year of your life so far?